Tuesday, September 21, 2010

missing

Going thru your memories today brought how much I miss you in my daily life to the fore front. So many days I can feel the loss of you and push it aside. But today picking things up, picking up your memories, things you've collected all your life, and not knowing any of the stories behind them made me want you back. I felt such sadness tossing something aside because it meant nothing to me but something to you. Oh how I wish you were here to share your stories and tell me why you kept some of the newspapers or restaurant menus, where you were going with all of those plane tickets and why of everything found there was only a few things of yours and moms marriage, or any of them really. 
I want to curl up in your lap and have you brush my hair and read to me. And I wanna know why grades were so important to you, I saw your report card ;) I wanna know if you ever felt regret, you had a clear obsession with space and aerodynamic things, yet I wonder if you set that aside in effort to be practical and provide for your family. I wanna know who Angela is too. 
Some of the things you kept make no sense to me...
and some of them are amazing treasures, the 10 dollar bill from the Confederate United States and the ration cards from the great depression an the 1985 Spiderman comic book, the receipt from our trip to SeaWorld and when you took me fishing and we saw the mountain lion under the rock. I miss you everyday, but today I miss you with the fondest of memories and these paper things just reinforce the memories and legacy you've blessed me with.



Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Familia

The family is a haven in a heartless world.


Interesting quote isn't it?


Makes you think about your own family, dysfunctional and all and wonder how much of a "haven" your family is. And it reminds you of how heartless and cold this world can be. 


For me, when I read that quote, the first thing I did was smile, and look at my own "family".


For me, my definition of family has never been traditional, yes I had parents, and dinner at 630 around the table where we all talked about how great our day was. But I also have this other "family" 


Something that took losing mine for me to fully understood. See I have some of those friends, that have been closer then close that you consider family. And you call each other sister, or brother, and you take on their family as if its your own. 
You know exactly what I am talking about - you walk into their house, you open their fridge, fix yourself leftovers, you know where their spare key is hiding, or the garage code if you don't have your own key. You are comfortable. 


They are everything but dna family, and for some of us those people are more like family members then our dna defined family.


We create families, we don't have to be born into them. 


For me, mine is more like a commune or village, but its filled with love, and support, and amazing opportunities for growth. Its safe, and its cozy, and its joyous. 


There are moments where I get so caught up in not having my mom or my dad to walk thru this physical life with me, as people make holiday plans, I get especially unnerved, but then I step back, and I feel their love, and I remember that I am still blessed with this huge other family of people that might not be technically listed on the family tree, but share this journey, hills and valleys, with me and put band-aids on the scrapes, and gold stars on the accomplishments. 


We can create that family that is our haven. 



holding hands Pictures, Images and Photos



I am beyond blessed to have my family, and I love and appreciate everyone of them, old, new, far away, and even the one's disconnected that have been apart of my journey in the past. Once your in the family, your there forever, no takebacks, no returns, no escaping. 
Thank you for being my family.