tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7992459602461385112024-03-19T14:36:24.779-07:00A mermaid and her MamaAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02454440710877136521noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-77639931803139156342017-01-20T08:51:00.001-07:002017-01-20T15:19:30.824-07:00Honk honk honk<p dir="ltr">I dont even have words anymore.<br>
The stress of the last year and a half is closing in. Weve gotten to live in bubble and pretend we were invisible, but that changes soon. The consequences are coming and there is no more bubble. No more fairy tale. Everything will change. Everything I've spent time cultivating and nurturing will be different and no one can stop the train from crashing. We just get to stand there. Let it hit us and when the dust settles tend to the worst wound and work my way down from there. The wounds will be severe. The wounds could be catastrophic. But right now. I see the train, its horn blaring to move, but the chains wont let me. Movement is not possible. Bracing for the impact is all i can do. <br>
The breathing becomes more shallow, and it seems too late for the hail mary prayers. </p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02454440710877136521noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-87914075368398673412017-01-18T10:11:00.002-07:002017-01-18T10:11:17.096-07:00Opt'ing in.... I Nicki choose to do this event.<br />
<br />
Its that simple. to choose in, to whatever it is you are doing. to be fully present, to engage in the activity right in front of you with your whole heart, mind and body. It doesn't matter if it's work, or a relationship- did you choose in. Are you there? Is your being-ness aligned with what you are doing?<br />
<br />
I used to think that I could multi task - like was super awesome because I can handle a million things coming at me and everything magically seems to get done. Take work for example, I simultaneously run 5 companies, every one of them has their own set of unique needs and at the end of the day each one gets tended to, but when I really look to evaluate that, not a single one of them is getting my full attention and each one has areas of improvement. Its like spinning plates, you run fast enough spinning each one a little to run some more to get back to the first one to get it going again and you just keep up this rat race, running, spinning, running and spinning and hoping each one keeps going- how do you ever get anywhere doing this? Is that really what we were born to do?<br />
So I am slowing down, some of the plates are crashing, for sure, because I am not running between all of them I would rather do a few things really well than a lot of things half ass'd. The feeling is uncomfortable, to shed my skin of always being known for pretty much being awesome and handling everything and always smiling through it.<br />
I am choosing the activities I balance and being more mindful of what I commit to.<br />
<br />
I Nicki choose to do this event.<br />
I commit to being present.<br />
the price for that is heavy, but I am reminded that busy is a choice too, and in that busy-ness - I am more often avoiding something. that running from plate to plate is more a sign of uncomfortable in my own skin. Its a distraction- and I could spend a lot of time listing what I am distracting myself from, or I can notice that the fluttering around is a sign for me. That I need to do the opposite and sit with myself and do some inside work. My soul is screaming at me to notice it and take care of it, and busy-ness is my defense I don't have time to feel whatever emotion it is, its how I avoid going inside my soul to work.<br />
And in doing that I add one more layer of bricks to the wall of me, when my hearts desire is to remove the bricks, accept the vulnerability and own my strength in that.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02454440710877136521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-6846686253192908592015-12-02T13:10:00.001-07:002015-12-02T13:10:37.757-07:00What's with the negative stigma that comes with therapy or support groups?<br />
I'll be the first to admit, i'm an irrational person. I make up random scenarios in my head and they can make me crazy. If you deny that you do to, time to do some work and get honest with yourself.<br />
I go to this Red Tent group...<br />
I'll hold while you google it.<br />
Back?<br />
Awesome, its pretty good. It requires you to bring your authentic self to the table and dig inside to yourself and I can appreciate that. Does everyone in my group dig deep? No, they aren't ready for what that looks like, but I have been pretty blessed that over the course of the last 5 or 6 years a lot of people have held up mirrors to me and helped me get honest with myself on a lot of levels. and its scary as shit. trust me. looking at yourself and why you choose the behaviors that you do, or why you let the irrational thought take over when all facts point elsewhere - that shit sucks.<br />
but the more you look at yourself, the more you figure out who your sense of self is and the softer you become on yourself.<br />
just last night the other half says to me you're very snappy tonight, whats going on. old me would have snapped and said its not me its you. new me said to be honest, i am snappy, the only reason i have is its tuesday and i'm sorry, i will be more conscience of my tone and words.<br />
that awareness is huge, that ability to not get defensive, to not play victim is very important in growing when someone points out a fault that you have, even if its as temporary as a mood, when someone holds up the mirror, its important to see what the mirror is showing you.<br />
<br />
so i say do the work, look at the mirror, look deep inside and see yourself for who you are. love yourself for being that person and work it out, but don't be afraid if in working it out, therapy or a support group is needed. sometimes the reminder that you aren't alone is enough to pick your head up out of the two inches of water you are drowning in.<br />
xxAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02454440710877136521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-71189600477352284162015-11-13T12:32:00.001-07:002015-11-13T12:32:13.929-07:00Nov 13. The day my life took a new direction, and this year, i continue to thrive. I heal more and more every year, but this year does feel differnet. Ive been a lot of art therapy classes and started this women's group, that required us to read this book, the red tent, forgive me,i only remember the authors first name (Anita). This book is one of those books you could read over and over and everytime take away something different. Its really simple, its a daughter and her relationship with her mothers and those who act like mothers to us. The group has had is do a lot of reflection on our own story with our mother, and instead of being sad that the "assignments" are more difficult because i cant just call my mommy, i feel peace that even though i dont know all of her story, i feel like i know a lot of it and i feel content and appreciative tears, not sad tears.<br />
I dont think people appreciate the pool of knowledge that our parents are to us, and we are who we are because of them. Be that good or bad, they have shaped us and we've either decided to be nothing like them, or aspire to be them. But nonetheless, because of them, we are who we are.<br />
<br />
This November 13, i found have personal growth and more peace. I am so immensely grateful to both of my parents for the lessons they have taught me. For shaping who i am, even if its taken me a long time to learn, and to appreciate them. That it took their deaths for me to realize how truly amaizng they both were.<br />
<br />
The sacrifices they both made, the blood sweat and tears they shed on my behalf, the times they set boundaries, that i didnt understand or like, are so clear to me now, and all i have is this heavy sense of gratitude and appreciation for them. I miss them, but I'm also so aware, their passing pushed me to be who i am today.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02454440710877136521noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-84045114204671498212015-09-28T20:36:00.000-07:002015-09-28T20:44:27.324-07:00She writes again....well technically she never stopped, she just stopped sharing it with her audience. for a lot of reasons, but those reasons are about as relevant as what i've been up to since you last heard from me.<br />
my journey has been my journey and for a while it needed to be private, and a lot of it still does. my time has been well spent, and purposeful and as i get ready to embark on the next piece of finding who i am in this moment i feel like its time to share the words that spin around inside my head and make their way into my art and into those that are in my daily circle. you see, i've learned - keep your circle close and tight, not very many people are are as interested in your life as the amount of people who want to watch, to see your successes and watch your failures.<br />
<br />
I got the opportunity to work an event at a high school recently. They participated in <a href="http://www.rachelschallenge.com/" target="_blank">Rachels Challenge</a>. First of all it was amazing. Second of all, I really wish every high school participated in this event. The event brought an authenticity that is so rare in today's society. It brought challenges to students and reminded the nerds that the jocks are just like them, and it reminded the girl who isn't so pretty that that popular cheerleader who she thought was perfect, might not be so perfect after all. It was team building, and awakening and inspiring. Rachel was the first victim in the Columbine shooting of 1999. Her peers loved her and she knew, in her young life, that she would make a difference. Little did she know, that she continues to make a difference, challenging those who participate to start a chain reaction. Do something today, smile at a stranger, help someone when they drop something, or that girl in the back of the room, having lunch by herself- don't let her be alone.<br />
<br />
Do something, and you never know when that something leads to something else and then to something else, and a chain reaction has begun.<br />
<br />
One of the things that I personally experienced from this event, was the reminder of how far I have come. How tight I wore my mask, how I gripped so hard to never let anyone see who I really was. I presented perfect, always, and I hid the real me. I never wanted to appear vulnerable. I never wanted to anyone to see I had any emotion besides happy. And that is such an awful way to live life. It was interesting to watch how many of the participants wore masks, afraid to show anything but strength or perfection. But then about halfway thru the day, the masks slipped down. You saw tears, belly-laughing and you saw vulnerability. It was beautiful.<br />
My mask hasn't been on for a long time. It feels uncomfortable when I put it on, and oddly when I do wear it, it comes with this slight nervous lisp. Loving who I am, flaws and all, is a journey and such a long process. Progress, not perfection, but man I look back and see the girl that presented herself like a china doll and I see the woman I am now, messy bun, glasses, footsie pajamas and a glass of wine; knowing that I have let the walls down, shown people who I am and watched them love me anyway and I smile.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02454440710877136521noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-72882046395810867322013-02-12T07:34:00.001-07:002013-02-12T07:34:42.179-07:00A few words to the misguided... including myself.<p dir=ltr>Communication Obstacles: Misplaced Priorities </p>
<p dir=ltr>One of my persistent weaknesses is that I want to author my own play, the play of my life, in which I am the star, for which I would like to write the script. I can pretty much do fine on my own for a while, and then when I encounter a problem too big for me, I holler for God to show up on “my” stage, on my cue. He generally does not oblige me at such times. Hmm. Wonder why. </p>
<p dir=ltr>In the middle of his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus helped his disciples to see how the universe really operates. The more you grasp for material things, the more in love you are with yourself and your agenda, the less you will achieve and the less satisfaction you will feel. </p>
<p dir=ltr>Here is a better way: “Seek first his i.e., God’s kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33). Seeking God’s kingdom means seeing yourself as God’s creation, placed here on earth for a mission, his mission. You are in his play, and he will let you know the role he needs you to play for him. </p>
<p dir=ltr>Seeking God’s righteousness means choosing to value your forgiveness of sins through the blood of Jesus as your most precious possession. When you have that, everything else that God thinks you need will come flowing into your life.</p>
<p dir=ltr>Reposted from bible.com day 7 of the 21 days to pray.</p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-32242069964022188192012-12-14T21:04:00.001-07:002012-12-14T21:04:41.364-07:00Some things...I haven't been able to find many words lately, and even though that seems fitting with the worlds event today, this stretches well past the last 12 hours, I don't know I just can't seem to formulate thoughts that make much sense these days. So much is going on, work is crazy busy, copilot is stable but consistently busy and the wife is the usual ping pong hyper love. I haven't had much,e time and maybe that's why I'm jus blah. Regardless I've found these images lately and they spoke to me. Enjoy. <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB0i3yyCshiaxoOa30mlpNOIJdFZ06EaXfYlTVhhFS_RQDKlE7FmrAoc2zkNVo9tLkwoOrGzirMTrCh58VvwROZ-8W_sKchyGOFLU-VuHWDvGOZZxVz41qzAtrfusXsvD8eg0Y-qO4Bbag/s640/blogger-image-1315836942.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB0i3yyCshiaxoOa30mlpNOIJdFZ06EaXfYlTVhhFS_RQDKlE7FmrAoc2zkNVo9tLkwoOrGzirMTrCh58VvwROZ-8W_sKchyGOFLU-VuHWDvGOZZxVz41qzAtrfusXsvD8eg0Y-qO4Bbag/s640/blogger-image-1315836942.jpg" /></a></div> <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggBA-oytqIM2apWG7_VpE1M5GpeXDQvUuckT4nTuLE3zpITPsYk6aoPYwq1sg54mCRqMxf-1FPjWL_jwEKrQx0eHS-zkG8DawfdiJPuNoJMBmOCJOgP6fnOJjgQ3RCKaUL2UjYF_0JUFHw/s640/blogger-image-994768470.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggBA-oytqIM2apWG7_VpE1M5GpeXDQvUuckT4nTuLE3zpITPsYk6aoPYwq1sg54mCRqMxf-1FPjWL_jwEKrQx0eHS-zkG8DawfdiJPuNoJMBmOCJOgP6fnOJjgQ3RCKaUL2UjYF_0JUFHw/s640/blogger-image-994768470.jpg" /></a></div> <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1Nci94RP26lZ2zmWNjGA07moujlABpt6biV8mpS8IbvpjpCeNmdouBbn2iKbJ7fGV34DGcCkNcHusqiEWUSSbp9gcj-b2bWgGKzPtmF3WU7AvAS6pJi2eMygBBJIqkj6q8JyYvKsoh-bj/s640/blogger-image-1832244030.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1Nci94RP26lZ2zmWNjGA07moujlABpt6biV8mpS8IbvpjpCeNmdouBbn2iKbJ7fGV34DGcCkNcHusqiEWUSSbp9gcj-b2bWgGKzPtmF3WU7AvAS6pJi2eMygBBJIqkj6q8JyYvKsoh-bj/s640/blogger-image-1832244030.jpg" /></a></div> <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm1sZTocnl5r0EwmA1DIGV1JRdwX3LyQaumwQifpbFnd5qUEnpkhdk8Lks9RjIbE15vkzgmgedyDShl9vPiFkaZIgxgCILw3ER1HItv_tl8YyXrIxjDhbWOEWtr_7E6cm-I1nU940Cov3M/s640/blogger-image--1988778267.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm1sZTocnl5r0EwmA1DIGV1JRdwX3LyQaumwQifpbFnd5qUEnpkhdk8Lks9RjIbE15vkzgmgedyDShl9vPiFkaZIgxgCILw3ER1HItv_tl8YyXrIxjDhbWOEWtr_7E6cm-I1nU940Cov3M/s640/blogger-image--1988778267.jpg" /></a></div> <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJm0mCKX5DT2gbNniCfi4-mC5B8mm9LGuVxe9iaOZla1hDHK73bLChdP5ZGy7pCbQa6yzOlvhCL-F_n0CokCGzpVLgi9lbbCS0GMpgxT3Lmwp4EvhPSojMU328MDBK0sS3O1PloinYYUOg/s640/blogger-image-1849671460.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJm0mCKX5DT2gbNniCfi4-mC5B8mm9LGuVxe9iaOZla1hDHK73bLChdP5ZGy7pCbQa6yzOlvhCL-F_n0CokCGzpVLgi9lbbCS0GMpgxT3Lmwp4EvhPSojMU328MDBK0sS3O1PloinYYUOg/s640/blogger-image-1849671460.jpg" /></a></div> <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin9_15hbGT_FP78EHRGVskv2mDzfalhhBJxHiN0jHEdQKV8CEOWggXMJh2TTp_vmoDoT1zmVwpIZU6CP6AMzfGa_uRrmYRuCXxD-HygPCA2URpDG3cIWgWuvkPf192opaHLrPT4w4lkhNT/s640/blogger-image-1649471472.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin9_15hbGT_FP78EHRGVskv2mDzfalhhBJxHiN0jHEdQKV8CEOWggXMJh2TTp_vmoDoT1zmVwpIZU6CP6AMzfGa_uRrmYRuCXxD-HygPCA2URpDG3cIWgWuvkPf192opaHLrPT4w4lkhNT/s640/blogger-image-1649471472.jpg" /></a></div> <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtHLdYQMAN3aAyVA6ZRGAv0giAKYUXZXK5ZMPwzOjSTVb3BOuxID5OtmwOebL5cS4G9oQ172HnHZ2N_jHz1LVm-OMLvE4XaspPPkyJaj0af7JdaiheGLtwKUV-KuSMzYcECBcmBOkloKgn/s640/blogger-image-103425342.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtHLdYQMAN3aAyVA6ZRGAv0giAKYUXZXK5ZMPwzOjSTVb3BOuxID5OtmwOebL5cS4G9oQ172HnHZ2N_jHz1LVm-OMLvE4XaspPPkyJaj0af7JdaiheGLtwKUV-KuSMzYcECBcmBOkloKgn/s640/blogger-image-103425342.jpg" /></a></div> <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij5ss88joDTOuohLps7v8mnppcXZtrmwCH20XK61raVgXz7oAVsi8LRasYLlxoUhhqNjZ7tlqA2-LNi1Ll5tQltKthsRIP-R-q9PN3GYhpwPiw1tx64GUK_uzkAMkjwodDPeRKfroHYZP_/s640/blogger-image--489775166.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij5ss88joDTOuohLps7v8mnppcXZtrmwCH20XK61raVgXz7oAVsi8LRasYLlxoUhhqNjZ7tlqA2-LNi1Ll5tQltKthsRIP-R-q9PN3GYhpwPiw1tx64GUK_uzkAMkjwodDPeRKfroHYZP_/s640/blogger-image--489775166.jpg" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-27126422338837960052011-07-14T22:06:00.000-07:002011-07-14T22:06:55.350-07:00Would you cross the room...Today while at work at the nut house I had an interesting conversation with a co-worker. She was talking about beliefs, and how we grow over time. We don't all stand for the things we once did, and sometimes our convictions become even deeper, and sometimes we meet people who change our lives, and our opinions.<br />
<br />
We were talking and she was talking about how she grew up thinking one way and went her whole life with this opinion, then one day her eyes became more open, and she went deeper in her soul and she grew, her opinions for things shifted.<br />
<br />
She was doing this exercise where you stand along a wall, and the instructor makes a statement, and if you agree you stay along the wall, but of you do not agree, you have to walk across the room and stand on the other wall. The point of the exercise is to test your beliefs, test your faith, test your conviction.<br />
<br />
I like this exercise a lot. It requires the participants to look at themselves. Do you really stand for it, will you cross the room, to prove you stand for something or will you, faced with admission, cross that wall and affirm the things you say you stand for.<br />
<br />
Words and actions... if you believe in something, how far are you willing to go to support it?<br />
<br />
I believe in a lot of things, and I would like to think that I would cross the room. I am not afraid to stand up for the people, and the things I believe in. I think it matters, and I think its important to say what you mean, mean what you say and cross the dang room. We hear, practice what you preach, but I think that this story goes further.<br />
<br />
And I think it also makes you look at the things you support, and ask yourself, do I really believe this, or do I believe it because its socially acceptable, or because my friends think this way. It makes you look at the things you stand for, and really ask yourself WHY you believe them.<br />
<br />
I can honestly tell you that the next time I decide to believe something, asking myself, will I walk across the room alone to n support of this belief unafraid of what others think, and if the answer is yes then I know I am being true to my heart and soul.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-92076389132717591532010-11-13T08:06:00.002-07:002014-11-13T10:50:50.708-07:00time of death.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Five years ago today...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Four years ago today...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">three years ago today...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">two years ago today...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">seem like yesterday.....</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">On the first anniversary of my dad I wrote my reflections of how I have done that year. I wrote them the night before, at the time I wrote them the night before because I was highly emotional, and I wasn't sure how the day would go, and I felt that I owed the world a check up on Nicki -- how has she done since the carpet was ripped out from underneath her.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">In hindsight it was intuition that one the one year anniversary of losing my dad I would lose my mom. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">For those of you just now tuning in - I lost my dad November 13, 2007 and my mom 365 days later, November 13, 2008.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">The next response is wow - were your parents married - nope, divorced, though they had been married a million years, they were not married at the time my daddy passed. The timing of their deaths was heaven's gift to my sisters and I.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">The year after my mom died, November 2009, I spent that anniversary date participating in the Susan G. Komen 3 day-60 mile walk for the cure. That event gave me a perspective that I couldn't be more grateful for. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">This year I don't have another death, or a big event to fill today with. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing "special" and part of me has guilt that I'm not doing something monumental to mark this day, it's more like a normal day for me. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">But in thinking it through I guess normal is good, it's a sign that I have walked thru not one but two knee- crippling events. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">I have buried both my parents. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">And I survived. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">I am back to living, normal, as normal as can be. I think normal will never the same again. Just like September 11, on September 10 this country was very different, and from September 12, forward everything has a different meaning. We have never forgotten what that day stood for, but we have gotten back to living as normal as we can. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">You're thinking - did she really just liken her life to the world-altering September 11 attacks, and yes I did. I went there. To me, this was my world-altering events. We will never forget where we were, how we felt on the day of those attacks. I will never forget my parents, where I was, and how I felt when they passed. I held my dad's hand as he took his last breath, and I closed his still open eyes. I witnessed the man who gave me life lose his. I had lunch with a dear friend the day my mom died. I was surrounded by church, and God and was remembering my dad when I got the call from my sister telling me mom was gone. I got in my car, left an inaudible message for my best friend and drove to meet Cole who took me to my mama's house. We sat on the back of the couch and bantered with the Glendale fire department while waiting for the corner to remove my mom's lifeless body from the place she passed. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">I will never forget those memories.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">I will never stop missing my parents. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">I will never eat a cheese enchilada without thinking of my mom, I will never forget her laugh because my daughter's cackle reminds me of it, I will never go to Anita's, or sew, or walk thru my front door without having memories of her flood thru my mind.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">I will never travel to Mexico, and visit our special place, without thinking of my dad. I will never McGyver something together without thinking of my dad, or see a lilac without tearing up.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">I will never in my life forget them.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">But I will learn to live again. I will learn to be as normal as I can, and I will continue to learn to be around other families, without being bitter about how mine has changed. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">I will put one foot in front of the other, and with confidence tell you my parents are watching over me. Every time the TV goes fuzzy, or a device that works perfectly flickers, or I come across a feather, I am reassured, that their physical presence is all I am missing, if I get quiet, I can feel them. I know they keep me safe from harm, and guide me, even if I can't see them. I can feel them anytime I want. I know that they are proud of me, and when I graduate this May- I can without a doubt tell you, they will have the best seats in the house. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">To anyone who has lost someone, I feel your pain, it never gets easier, you just learn to do the best you can. Some days are better then others, and that will never change. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-91127540474472548912010-11-10T09:04:00.000-07:002010-11-10T09:04:15.240-07:00stay, go, seasonal......We have all heard it at one point or another, and the chances of you having said it to someone else is probably just as equally high.<br />
Friends come and friends go<br />
If it's meant to be, they it will be.<br />
<br />
*shake your head yes* you know that those words, or very similar ones are pretty common for what we tell ourselves when a friendship goes away that we cherished.<br />
<br />
I was thinking about that the other day, a friend of mine, her facebook status said something along the lines of mourning friendships that have been lost thru death, distance or circumstance - she was sad. and it made me sad. and it made me think.<br />
<br />
And then I came across this in my email this morning:<br />
"friendship means a willingness to sacrifice for each other in love. It's the ability to put another's needs, desires, and wishes above our own"<br />
" a true friend is a loyal defense before others; one who won't talk about you when you're not around. True friends stick up for each other and are ready to defend when others attack"<br />
"you don't have to explain why you do what you do. You are just free to do it."<br />
and finally:<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;"><b>"Friends don't bale, they stay. They allow you to be yourself no matter what 'self' looks like. </b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;"><b><br />
</b></span><br />
We all have different levels of friendships - you know what I mean, the friend you can call at 2 am, the friend you like to shop with, the friend you don't talk to very much.<br />
<br />
But this post is about those 2 am friends. The ones that are there, no matter what card you have dealt them, or they have dealt you, and they choose to stay and love you thru it anyway.<br />
<br />
Recently I think friendships have been on my mind a lot lately. Maybe my friends facebook post the other day triggered it, maybe the recent block of time I have had with my sisters, maybe a friends struggles and watching everyone be turned upside down, maybe it was something said on Oprah yesterday, who knows, what I know is that I have been looking at what a *real* friendship looks like.<br />
<br />
Sometimes people really push what they ask us to tolerate as their friend, they do things that make us cringe, but here's the thing: We are bystanders to another person's journey, and we should be lucky enough to get to be apart of it, if even for a moment. As we go thru life, our experiences change us, they change who we are, what we believe and what we want out of this life. This constant change makes it hard for friends to love us thru everything and be there.<br />
<br />
When you think about the world, and timing, and how everything works- nothing is a coincidence. NOTHING. Everything has a purpose, and that purpose is not always clearly identified.<br />
<br />
People walk into our lives, and like domino's, whether they keep falling or stop depends on the timing and outside events.<br />
<br />
I will be the first to admit, letting people inside Fort Knox isn't an easy task, I don't really like people in my space, I am in what I self describe, surface-open towards people. Letting you into my nook-and-crannies takes a lot of time, and IF I let you in there, you better stay, and if you don't, you better believe Ima cry. I feel a loss, and empty space for the people that I let in and they left, I miss those people, a lot.<br />
<br />
But I understand why they have left as well, but then sometimes it makes me mad as hell.<br />
<br />
Real friends just don't quit. They don't give up when it gets hard. They don't walk out, they don't just say this doesn't work for me anymore. You shouldn't get to toss someone aside that no longer "fits" what you need.<br />
<br />
Sometimes friendships go thru seasons, they calm down, but when you think of that person, you know where you stand with them still, and know that friendship hasn't suffered even though you haven't talked to them in a long time. REAL friends don't have to be 24/7 in your face, they just have to have constant mutual love.<br />
<br />
So - that said, to those of you inside Fort Knox, I love you for walking thru this journey with me. I love you for showing me unconditional love. I love you for showing me that people can come inside and even if you don't stay, my life is richer for having you on the inside. I am thankful times 10 of the people that are in my corner, success or failure, have my back. Thank you for encouraging me, making my irrational thoughts rational. Thank you for loving me, even as my 'self' morphs into someone different then I was when we met. Thanks for not quitting.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-71393240334145318422010-10-25T07:20:00.001-07:002010-10-25T07:20:15.903-07:00Let your light be sharedLight is meant to be shared. If you try to hoard it or keep it covered, out of everyone's sight, you'll just end up smothering it. Try to close it in your fist so it doesn't get away, and it burns you. You can't possess light. All you can do is appreciate it, use it and help others use it, too. In the same way, your life is also meant to be shared. Many people look upon their lives as something that must be jealously protected and stowed away. They block out others and are afraid to share their time. What happens? Their spark suffocates. But there are others who have an abundance mentality. They believe, correctly so, that there's plenty of life to go around, that all flames get brighter when we share them. They know that when we invest energy in others, we get even more in return. Don't sacrifice your chance at a bonfire because you're too busy trying to keep a tiny match from going out. <br>** reposted from Sparkpeople, not my words, but a beautiful reminder :)<br>Xoxo<br>Nic<br>Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-43973299744150035502010-09-21T12:45:00.001-07:002010-09-21T12:49:59.695-07:00missing<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Going thru your memories today brought how much I miss you in my daily life to the fore front. So many days I can feel the loss of you and push it aside. But today picking things up, picking up your memories, things you've collected all your life, and not knowing any of the stories behind them made me want you back. I felt such sadness tossing something aside because it meant nothing to me but something to you. Oh how I wish you were here to share your stories and tell me why you kept some of the newspapers or restaurant menus, where you were going with all of those plane tickets and why of everything found there was only a few things of yours and moms marriage, or any of them really. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I want to curl up in your lap and have you brush my hair and read to me. And I wanna know why grades were so important to you, I saw your report card ;) I wanna know if you ever felt regret, you had a clear obsession with space and aerodynamic things, yet I wonder if you set that aside in effort to be practical and provide for your family. I wanna know who Angela is too. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Some of the things you kept make no sense to me...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">and some of them are amazing treasures, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">the</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1285098081_0">10 dollar bill</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">from the Confederate United States and the</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1285098081_1">ration cards</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">from the great depression an the 1985 Spiderman comic book, the receipt from our trip to SeaWorld and when you took me fishing and we saw the mountain lion under the rock. I miss you everyday, but today I miss you with the fondest of memories and these paper things just reinforce the memories and legacy you've blessed me with.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggmBgww60b-Njvder-NHiK21_b1ZcyEGeXAQSzzds1F63e6x8CkIiQMqLJTYs5uXViEpnehPwZdB_dsnmVyayD7pCj7n1NNYe0dXI7gXzc4rolX5S6iB_RSx75pdVQTLRniZVjOIHdPc2b/s1600/0503071126%5B1%5DA.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggmBgww60b-Njvder-NHiK21_b1ZcyEGeXAQSzzds1F63e6x8CkIiQMqLJTYs5uXViEpnehPwZdB_dsnmVyayD7pCj7n1NNYe0dXI7gXzc4rolX5S6iB_RSx75pdVQTLRniZVjOIHdPc2b/s320/0503071126%5B1%5DA.JPG" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-36553824359494040022010-09-14T07:54:00.001-07:002010-09-14T08:05:15.479-07:00Familia<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #660000;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">The family is a haven in a heartless world.</span></u></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;">Interesting quote isn't it?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;">Makes you think about your own family, dysfunctional and all and wonder how much of a "haven" your family is. And it reminds you of how heartless and cold this world can be. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;">For me, when I read that quote, the first thing I did was smile, and look at my own "family".</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;">For me, my definition of family has never been traditional, yes I had parents, and dinner at 630 around the table where we all talked about how great our day was. But I also have this other "family" </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;">Something that took losing mine for me to fully understood. See I have some of those friends, that have been closer then close that you consider family. And you call each other sister, or brother, and you take on their family as if its your own. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;">You know exactly what I am talking about - you walk into their house, you open their fridge, fix yourself leftovers, you know where their spare key is hiding, or the garage code if you don't have your own key. You are</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;"> comfortable. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;">They are everything but dna family, and for some of us those people are more like family members then our dna defined family.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;"><u>We create families, we don't have to be born into them. </u></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;">For me, mine is more like a commune or village, but its filled with<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> love</span>, and support, and amazing opportunities for growth. Its <b>safe</b>, and its cozy, and its <u>joyous.</u> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;">There are moments where I get so caught up in not having my mom or my dad to walk thru this physical life with me, as people make holiday plans, I get especially unnerved, but then I step back, and I feel their love, and I remember that I am still blessed with this huge other family of people that might not be technically listed on the family tree, but share this journey, hills and valleys, with me and put band-aids on the scrapes, and gold stars on the accomplishments. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">We can create that family that is our haven. </span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/holding%20hands" target="_blank"><img alt="holding hands Pictures, Images and Photos" border="0" height="200" src="http://i0006.photobucket.com/albums/0006/findstuff22/Best%20Images/Love/holdinghands1.jpg" width="200" /></a></div></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;">I am beyond blessed to have my family, and I love and appreciate everyone of them, old, new, far away, and even the one's disconnected that have been apart of my journey in the past. Once your in the family, your there forever, no takebacks, no returns, no escaping. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;">Thank you for being my family.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #330000; font-family: georgia, 'bookman old style', 'palatino linotype', 'book antiqua', palatino, 'trebuchet ms', helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, 'avante garde', 'century gothic', 'comic sans ms', times, 'times new roman', serif;"><br />
</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-64205719272684004202010-08-26T08:34:00.000-07:002010-08-26T08:34:25.633-07:00Fear<div style="text-align: center;">she tells people a lot, fear is the absence of faith. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: yellow;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13;">Let me repeat that:</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: yellow;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13;">Fear is the absence of faith</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I hear her say it to others when they doubt situations, and she even says it to me when I doubt myself, but the reality is as many times as I have heard it, sometimes I don't *hear* it.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">In the past week, I have put myself through emotional turmoil. I beat myself up inside. I let myself down, and instead of striving for better next time, or learning from my mistakes, </div><div style="text-align: center;">I let myself tell myself I sucked. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I let myself have it, I questioned if I had just wasted the past 1400 days of my life going to school for something I will never be "good enough" at. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">You see, I failed a test, a test I really should have passed. And I know when I say "failed" you say Really, Nicki, failed? But yes, I failed. I got a 61% on an open book test. No excuse really. I didn't rush, I looked up answers, I didn't guess. But somehow I managed to get a 61% on my final for an accounting 400 series class. It's not like the concepts were new, I just failed.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">And in failing the test, I failed myself. See I have this academic standard of myself, this I need to be perfect, I need to get an "A" mentality. I love the way A's look on my grade card, they have a sparkle to them, and I remember bringing home all those shiny A's to my parents and watching them beam.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Let me repeat that to you too: </div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: yellow;">I remember bringing home all those shiny A's to my parents and watching them beam.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Somewhere along the lines, I attached shiny A's, to perfection, to approval, and to a lot of other things. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I attached perfect grades, and a pressure upon myself that if I didn't bring in that shiny A, I wasn't good enough. Fair or unfair, I did it, and as I cried over failing this test, to further hate Staples for not having the pen I wanted in blue (I was using retail therapy to recover from the test, but failed miserably at that too) I realized something.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I don't have to get A's, and I don't have to be perfect. See for me, failing this test meant I was limiting my career. I know how demanding the accounting field is, and I know that I need to have the highest GPA possible in all of my accounting classes to put myself ahead in my field. I had fear that this 61% was going to ruin my chances of doing what I want to do. Of getting the job I want to get.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">As I am on the phone crying to her, she says what she always says</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: yellow;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-large;">fear is the absence of faith</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Do I believe that I am right where I need to be, and that God is looking over the situation. Maybe I was meant to get that 61%, and maybe having the job I want isn't the job I am supposed to have.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Do I have faith or do I have fear?</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">You can't have both. If you have fear, then you don't believe that there is a power greater then yourself at work in your life guiding you along your life path.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">In that moment, I had nothing but fear, and disappointment, and even a little self-hate. I was so angry at myself for studying, for trying, and still failing. I had let myself down, and everyone watching me. That was my perception, right or wrong, but it was mine at the time.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">But then, I heard it.</div><div style="text-align: center;">fear is the absence of faith</div><div style="text-align: center;">I absorbed it</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I have faith, and in that faith I push out the fear. I can't be scared when I know that the power that is greater then me is driving the bus and bringing me thru the experiences I need to have, and teaching me the lessons I need to learn, and will let me off at the stop that is right for me. I needed my faith to outshine my fear. I needed the light to be greater then the dark.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-82223398447600678012010-06-21T21:55:00.003-07:002010-06-21T21:57:41.668-07:00love<a href="http://photobucket.com/images/cute%20quotes" target="_blank"><img alt="Love Quote Pictures, Images and Photos" border="0" src="http://i238.photobucket.com/albums/ff120/girly-girl-graphics/love_quotes/0195-04-14-2009.png" /></a><br />
<br />
to many people walk around this earth with darkness in their hearts, its time to let go whatever it is that you are holding on to. Darkness replaces the light, and light is what brings joy to the earth. You can never appreciate the light without the darkness, but light should always win, and it should always outweigh the dark. We need light and love to survive. Don't fight it, let it in. Embrace it for everything that it is, everything that it promises and hold fast. Enjoy the ride and spread the light given to you, for held inside to long and it to can turn to darkness. Light is meant to be shared, love is meant to be freely given away.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-82143480725750980402010-03-30T04:03:00.001-07:002010-03-30T04:03:00.914-07:00Happily ever after... an excerpt from a book<div style="text-align: center;">As you know... I read a lot.... And one of the 2 books I am currently reading is: Pieces of Happily Ever After, by Irene Zutell.... </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Without further delay... Here it is... It's magical</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"Before school, Gabby asks me to read her <em>Cinderella</em> for what has to be at least the thousandth time. After I finish, Gabby tells me the secret to all fairy tails. She says they're divided into three parts. There's the really bad stuff at the beginning. There there's the stuff in the middle that's still pretty bad, but at least there's a little hope. And last, there's the happily ever after. The prince kisses the princess and she's alive again. Or awake after a deep sleep. Or the shoe fits. Or the girl in the tower cries and the prince has his vision restored. Gabby believes life is the same way. She says one day, no matter what, everyone gets their happily ever after."</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://photobucket.com/images/princess%20crown" target="_blank"><img alt="princess Pictures, Images and Photos" border="0" src="http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/jj298/its_vanessalove/crown.jpg" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-12072485887470896642010-03-01T15:49:00.000-07:002010-03-01T15:51:54.991-07:00Moon<p class="mobile-photo"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgfsm57uZRItAFVNIO5kyldExdyG_reJ-ApZThZkSd2hbiR6loB5FW_Sdic5F5bVhlzLX4MzPWOXrRCDlSul4u0Mgz7_-Rqzij3MaKqH7ExmyJ3Z8Irf4rEAvkzhJKKhgfNGfroW3s1bvV/s1600-h/=%3Futf-8%3FB%3FSU1HMDAwODAuanBn%3F=-714992"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgfsm57uZRItAFVNIO5kyldExdyG_reJ-ApZThZkSd2hbiR6loB5FW_Sdic5F5bVhlzLX4MzPWOXrRCDlSul4u0Mgz7_-Rqzij3MaKqH7ExmyJ3Z8Irf4rEAvkzhJKKhgfNGfroW3s1bvV/s320/=%3Futf-8%3FB%3FSU1HMDAwODAuanBn%3F=-714992" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5443801963730267954" /></a></p>At some point this lovely moon and stars appeared on our street... Below it is written " a girl without freckles is like a night without stars" what a sweet sentiment, and considering I have freckles and have a freckle face strawberry we love it extra!! :)<p>Have a great day!!<br>Xo<br>Nic<br>Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-33190517476805788912010-01-28T17:03:00.000-07:002010-01-28T17:04:49.986-07:00Freezing!?!<p class="mobile-photo"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGJvDGpDSLOKWKX0iycjBrm8ctSISfSrdnZr6UymQEgyOCMmFkX0AGayPCSrkF9yLaXMVzTIRW-Nid3hfMZI1oeE9Ff3SjkIuFT5Qh2yVVpgF2qf88fMynKyDrim-vqLCNkzhX-OLJhg_Z/s1600-h/=%3Futf-8%3FB%3FSU1HMDAzODQuanBn%3F=-789998"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGJvDGpDSLOKWKX0iycjBrm8ctSISfSrdnZr6UymQEgyOCMmFkX0AGayPCSrkF9yLaXMVzTIRW-Nid3hfMZI1oeE9Ff3SjkIuFT5Qh2yVVpgF2qf88fMynKyDrim-vqLCNkzhX-OLJhg_Z/s320/=%3Futf-8%3FB%3FSU1HMDAzODQuanBn%3F=-789998" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431946031838062914" /></a></p>I'm a retard.... Confirmation for those who wondered<br>Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-41616505517934939422010-01-27T04:42:00.002-07:002010-01-27T05:17:09.987-07:00My ramblingsI hear the battle in your voice and I saw the pain in your face. Matters of the heart are so hard, especially when your brain enters the discussion. When we find the two aren't aligned we struggle, even more to find validation that we are doing the right thing. We make a choice and we hope for the best. We try to not have regrets. We try to not let the future be tainted with the past, but everyday its a battle. If the end goal is to be happy, to let our light shine thru our soul and out into the world we have to make decisions accordingly. <br />
<br />
You said be happy nicki, you helped define that happiness for me. You showed me what I'm capable of, and reminded me the world is mine to conquer. My preference would be to keep you by my side, so we can conquer it together, because even though my life appears to be so neatly put together, like a lot of the old me, its a fictitious front presented to those who don't matter. Underneath the bow is chaos and clutter. A work in progress, and as I learn to be truly authentic my world will fall into place. <br />
<br />
Now What<br />
Your heart was broken<br />
where do you go from here<br />
do you wall back up and pretend you never felt this way<br />
how do you deny feeling so alive<br />
how do you forget the flutter in your stomach everytime she called<br />
how do you face each day knowing you weren't the one<br />
you cant regret and you cant look back to wonder what if<br />
the plan is greater then you<br />
but where do you go from here<br />
it starts by putting your left foot in front of your right foot<br />
set down the brick and mortar, you no longer need that wall<br />
the wall gave you comfort and provided shelter for your heart<br />
but building it again would undo her magic<br />
learn the lesson<br />
feel the pain<br />
and know it was worth it<br />
she'll be back, the world will right itself again<br />
but until that day<br />
left foot... right foot<br />
<br />
<br />
****<br />
<br />
to not have had this chance<br />
i never would have learned<br />
the depth of my ability<br />
you brought elements to my life<br />
i've only read about in books<br />
you brought out a smile i had long forgotten<br />
and you reminded me butterflys, like santa, do exist<br />
the stars will shine again<br />
and the world will once again sipn<br />
but this time i will feel<br />
i will appreciate the gift of love you have givenUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-88357099046206275292010-01-19T14:40:00.000-07:002010-01-19T14:43:39.331-07:00Paint play<p class="mobile-photo"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQcnbiCBMAN4jCwwUPRG4o4edp3LJtVVPQgbQAMk5gE8ZZeOYu8sUK83Se7mFsprL0RZOGpWmUSbm96NDfmbRBgwLaloh-APa6OssFHmdeyKvkbdLEBAbtJ5A2MzfrKW8vGYOKGShWZSv0/s1600-h/=%3Futf-8%3FB%3FSU1HMDAzMzguanBn%3F=-719332"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQcnbiCBMAN4jCwwUPRG4o4edp3LJtVVPQgbQAMk5gE8ZZeOYu8sUK83Se7mFsprL0RZOGpWmUSbm96NDfmbRBgwLaloh-APa6OssFHmdeyKvkbdLEBAbtJ5A2MzfrKW8vGYOKGShWZSv0/s320/=%3Futf-8%3FB%3FSU1HMDAzMzguanBn%3F=-719332" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5428569882823453202" /></a></p>You know sometimes your super creative, sometimes your super motivated AND occasionally your both....<p>I've had this project in my head since moving and finally the stars aligned and it. Is. Done. <p>Take a look at my dry erase boards tiled with some fun paintings I did<p>until next time<br>xo<br>Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-78527088928250163682010-01-13T09:01:00.000-07:002010-01-13T09:01:20.170-07:00Wednesday, January 13, 2010<br />
<br />
Dear Diary,<br />
I am tired of this superficial world. Why can't people, myself included, be authentic all the time? Why do we fight feelings so hard and push people away? Why do we present this fictitious persona? Is it out of fear that if the "real me" were exposed people wouldn't like me less? <br />
<br />
Is it that hard to say what you mean, mean what you say and just be honest. Even when honesty hurts? I've had quite the weekend as my nearest (and I don't mean in distance) and dearest are aware, and its woken me up to a few things.<br />
<br />
1) People make decisions we cannot control, and even if they hurt us, we have to accept them and not deny them that growth. <strong>EVEN </strong>if we think it's the wrong choice.<br />
<br />
2) Letting yourself feel love isn't a bad thing.<br />
<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQQ-J4W57jNgtGYy29oqlCEmVX5-Ezijw1eLmv_MEv33p5v09OFdbsIAu0-sCg8CXihJNl3ve1ISkPT8d6km3OzG5J-I2D3qve4isEWjbdoxY7W3ofkmKoxDFrvv1ilo-XQeljht-kMxow/s1600-h/camera+099.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQQ-J4W57jNgtGYy29oqlCEmVX5-Ezijw1eLmv_MEv33p5v09OFdbsIAu0-sCg8CXihJNl3ve1ISkPT8d6km3OzG5J-I2D3qve4isEWjbdoxY7W3ofkmKoxDFrvv1ilo-XQeljht-kMxow/s320/camera+099.jpg" /></a>3) We build walls around us, sometimes we don't even realize it. And they are purposeful. The walls are there to keep the bullshit out, but those who truly care will find away thru the wall. When someone tears down a wall, look at why you put that wall up and maybe just maybe the wall doesn't need to be rebuilt<br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">4) Being grounded is healthy and good, and if you plant your roots deep enough, even if you stray, you can come back to them and they will still be there<br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">5) As much as I want to lose faith in people, and as easy as it would be to give up, I have to put one foot in front of the other, continue the journey and have hope that next time the outcome will be different.<br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">It's time to not pretend that the world is sunshine and roses all day everyday, but instead, live and feel and breath. <span style="color: purple; font-size: large;">Crying makes me human, not weak. And laughing is soap for my soul.</span> So cry more, laugh and truly live each and every day!<br />
</div><br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Sincerely,<br />
</div>MeUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-72875333150966296532009-11-12T09:56:00.002-07:002010-11-10T09:57:15.387-07:00<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma;">Last year I wrote my thoughts marking the one-year anniversary of my dad’s passing on November 12, for some reason, I was scared I would be to much of an emotional train wreck to do it, on the actual date. Little did I know, there was more truth to that at the time I knew, as November 13, 2008, the actual anniversary date, my mom passed. I remember exactly what I was doing, a dear friend of mine had invited me to a church luncheon. I left the luncheon on a God-high, and got the call from my sister. The next hour of getting to my mom’s and making the calls to the people closest to me were a blur. I remember leaving an inaudible message to my bestie, and I remember sitting on the couch, while the g-town firefighters stood there and waited with us for the coroner. And as they wheeled my lifeless mom passed us, I remember this feeling of conviction coming over me that I would not again enter into the dark space that I did after losing my dad. I remember feeling like, I would find purpose through their passing’s, and I would find a way to honor them and not be miserable as I had been.</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma;"> </span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma;"><br />
<br />
<span class="apple-style-span">So this year, as I write my thoughts of reflection, a day early again, observing the passing of my daddy (11/13/07) and my mama (11/13/08) I am in a really good place. I still have my moments where I am sad. I find I have little patience for parental disrespect from kids, or even my adult friends who ignore the phone call from their mom because they know she’s just gonna nag, or annoy them… I think to myself, I wish my mama would call and nag me or annoy me, even yell at me for some dumb adult decision I have made that she disagrees with. I find myself sad when I think that neither of them will have a physical presence at Ariel’s wedding, or my college graduation, or any school play, dance recital, drivers license test, broken bone, first boyfriend, anything. I find myself staring at the grandpa pushing his granddaughter on the swing, and feeling a sense of loss.</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="apple-style-span">But then I feel happy when I see a UPS truck drive by the road, and I chuckle at old lady’s wearing funny hats. I see the tree planted in honor of my dad at our church, and instead of feeling sadness anymore, I feel joy that kids for years to come will have a shady place to rest. Ariel plays dress up with these doll clothes my mom made, and I can find the humor, when Ariel alters them. I feel joy in my heart when I can patch a hole in the wall, or hem my pants, because those are lessons I learned from my parents that I will have forever. I miss them, I do, my heart hurts so bad some days, but days I feel like the luckiest girl to have been able to call them mom and dad, while others knew them as Don and Carol.</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="apple-style-span">In the last year, I have learned to find happiness in their memories that will always carry on. I have learned that by talking about them, they are never forgotten, and I love that how even from heaven they both find ways to come into my life and remind me that I not alone.</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="apple-style-span">This year on their anniversary date, I will be finding myself looking for the mental strength to give a positive purpose to the day. Participating in the 3-day breast cancer walk is my way of honoring my parents. When I got invited to participate, I said yes before I even knew when the walk was, it didn’t matter, I wanted to do it. My insides said, go for it. When I went to sign up, the dates of the walk were on my screen, and for a split second, I thought it was a joke. And then I laughed, it was one more way to be connected to them. It was one more connection.</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="apple-style-span">So here it is November 12, 2009, and I am looking forward to waking up, and appreciating the life my parents created in me, and feeling their strength as I make a difference so that maybe just maybe, there won’t be a daughter out there who has to bury her mom and feel the pain I have felt.</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="apple-style-span">To my sisters, I love you, take the day to breath, feel and remember, then look to heaven and smile. We have two of the best guardian angels anyone could ask for. Laugh that mom is up there with Michael, having a blast laughing and singing and doing her version of Thriller (you know she is), and that daddy is up with his hammer and a ladder fixin something that somebody broke somewhere. I wish I could be there with you all today, to hug you when you get sad, and to laugh when you remember one of the goofy things they have done. I felt a purpose in doing the walk, for me it is a chapter towards healing. Know that I am thinking of you, and I love you to the moon and back.</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="apple-style-span">To my friends who pulled me out of the darkness when I was so lost, you will never know what you mean to me. You have held my hand and let me cry and then you understood when I was bitter and angry. And you are here now, still, my friends and I love you all, and feel ever so blessed that you are apart of my life.</span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-41261771863269265872009-07-02T08:06:00.005-07:002009-07-02T09:01:38.148-07:00The Legacy left behindI was up early today, more so then normal, and that can be attributed to my new lovey boy wanting let out of his kennel. Went for a short jog and started my day like normal. The Today show was on as I drank my Starbucks.... Snickers got up and came out while the Today show was covering Michael Jackson's death, and Snickers says to me... mom I don't get what the big deal is about this guy. Granny died, Poppy died and they weren't on the news... And this made my heart ache a little, explaining to a child that one person's life was more important then another's to warrant tv coverage isn't in the "how to raise your child manual".<br /><br />I remember when I first heard the news... my instant reaction was wanting to call my mom and tell her. She loved MJ, and growing up I used to make fun of her for liking him, as i thought he was weird... his dance moves questionable at the level of coolness.... I even picked up my phone and started to scroll through the contact list... when i realized she wasn't there to answer the phone. And then my heart smiled when I realized she knew he was gone before I did, and if I know my mom right she was probably one of the angels there guiding him to heaven.<br /><br />As Snickers asks me why this guy is such a big deal, my mind flashed back to my initial reaction, and I pulled her onto my lap, turned the laptop on and spent the next 45 minutes showing her why this man was on the news so much. I didn't show her the negative things, because we all have negative things, we have all had a lapse of judgement, and whether you agree he was guilty of the accusations or not, that doesn't matter. What does matter, is the feeling you get when you watch him dance. When you watch him sing, and you see the impact he made on music -- that is undeniable and that is unquestionable. His impact on the music industry shaped what you and i listen to and changed the things our children will hear as well. You can't watch Justin Timberlake dance and not see MJ's impact on his dance style. MJ's talent was amazing, it was inspiring and it makes one awestruck.<br /><br />So I spent time showing Snickers the FEELING that MJ instilled upon people, and showed her that was why he was on tv. She says, but Granny and Poppy made me feel special, they should be on tv too. She pauses and I wonder how to respond, and then she adds... maybe because they didn't dance and grab their privates all the time they didn't to ge on tv. I laughed at this, and said yea that's probably why. I forget the innocence of children, and forget that they comprehend things so differently then us adults. But I am glad that I got to share with her the wonderful contributions that MJ left in this world. I don't think that children need exposed to the negative side of events like this, and no its not ignoring that those events possibly happened, its allowing a child to grow, see the positive people can do, aspire to make that same contribution, and draw their own conclusions about if they the negative changes the feeling. We watched <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKBLxh3u0tM">this video</a> over and over, and i loaded it onto her MP3 and favorite'd it on her computer so she could continue to watch it. It's been fun watching her try to moonwalk through the kitchen... that will be a memory in my heart forever....<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKBLxh3u0tM">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKBLxh3u0tM</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-52000127599558249912009-06-16T20:22:00.005-07:002009-06-16T20:39:13.601-07:00where o where have i been<div><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs4P2PXJJybCdPeWihIXxuFxNDDasUisC8-SZatVMfcyQXDdNBLqyT3WVAozdFLEd6fclLTOQdbvNQ_0zdaVR5fhgLn7MPfaPoynWnpRX-s9pMBrIT8AAglErtwgXA_cTOKPDRoNdd3vU4/s1600-h/lake1.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5348134574552527714" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs4P2PXJJybCdPeWihIXxuFxNDDasUisC8-SZatVMfcyQXDdNBLqyT3WVAozdFLEd6fclLTOQdbvNQ_0zdaVR5fhgLn7MPfaPoynWnpRX-s9pMBrIT8AAglErtwgXA_cTOKPDRoNdd3vU4/s400/lake1.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div>i have been living life, and am SOOO sorry for being absent from you all.</div><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>let me make you a pinky promise, which is the best kind you know :)</div><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>I am back.</div><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>Let me give you the quick update.</div><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><br /><div>Let's see last thing we covered, BFF's baby shower, princess pee's last few days of school.... and since then you have heard nothing from me...</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>So school ended, Memorial weekend came and went, rather uneventful, ariel and I hung out at home, didn't do much I don't think (or at least don't<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhph9pvmh84qkqFmfgTelayqDlb-XdqbEd10QEq_3bL16HESgM3z9-czocdTqMds0tdmICUZQ0w59d7C7OKcxiJhNHtzlrlE8_h1KpUwSB62EWuRBR5xVU_ljD8p_rThddUie5r86B0neby/s1600-h/lake3.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5348134997492417346" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhph9pvmh84qkqFmfgTelayqDlb-XdqbEd10QEq_3bL16HESgM3z9-czocdTqMds0tdmICUZQ0w59d7C7OKcxiJhNHtzlrlE8_h1KpUwSB62EWuRBR5xVU_ljD8p_rThddUie5r86B0neby/s400/lake3.jpg" border="0" /></a> remember). Then In june, on the 5th a VERY dear family friend had his 80th birthday party and I was very glad to be a part of that, it was so fun to see all the family together and celebrate this great day.</div><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><div>The next day, June 6th, was a difficult day for my family and I. When my mom died, this past november, she requrested that her ashes be spread at Lake Pleasant. Many moon's ago, we took mom out to the lake, had the boat and jetski's out there and just had a fabulous day, it was all good fun. Little did any of us know that, that day was imprinted on my mom's heart forever, and she wanted to be left there, where she remembers being truly happy. </div><br /><div></div><div>So when the weather warmed up, we did it. My sisters and our extended families went out to the lake and did just that. We had some good times, and some sad times, but in the end, it was an amazing way to remember my mom. I miss her everyday, and even as I type this I want to laugh and cry all at the same time... </div><br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5348135664890644498" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglqWtiKHQfI047NSfclANk7w2-HgfDeJiRHDN3qpXeZr0r4FnToSilMz9Gt7h7Pl5EJ8cdfW8ZEauJlGbhjwJJsRNfRrz8Gufo1WZHKBSCYfunhm0W9XWLC3bYCHndX50cmBWQrh538lsy/s400/lake4.jpg" border="0" /><br /><div>Other then that, life has been busy, nothing super eventful, lots of fun with Snickers, we went to the zoo... will post that tomorrow! And have been babysitting some kids this, and of course school lots of it</div><div> </div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-799245960246138511.post-25160236752184219052009-03-03T05:34:00.003-07:002009-03-03T05:43:02.182-07:00Some morning sweetnessUp earlier then any human should be, this morning I was standing by the microwave waiting for my water (for my hot tea) to get hot - that 1 minute 15 seconds seems like eternity! and I'm getting all my stuff out, tea bag, splenda, yada yada. and as the microwave is very slowly (obviously it minds being woken up this early) I glance at the back of the Splenda packet and find...<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp41LF_7rt_RIlYpfoqZAJ7GKOrxDrq-Jn4hTyaczUVXprjgmZlPfd4TCVsupJMUlB02MSP4cA9lMqm6g5eQJjzZhDJ2QtD3CTxPF4vHGnpbz7sVpkmByMOTTtYyFIS4Nxv5_11KQF9iTN/s1600-h/003.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp41LF_7rt_RIlYpfoqZAJ7GKOrxDrq-Jn4hTyaczUVXprjgmZlPfd4TCVsupJMUlB02MSP4cA9lMqm6g5eQJjzZhDJ2QtD3CTxPF4vHGnpbz7sVpkmByMOTTtYyFIS4Nxv5_11KQF9iTN/s320/003.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5308940312425543154" /></a><br /><br />Coming from a sugar packet, I view this as divine notice and a good reminder... so had to share! How true it is, life is short, sweeten up!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1