Wednesday, January 27, 2010

My ramblings

I hear the battle in your voice and I saw the pain in your face. Matters of the heart are so hard, especially when your brain enters the discussion. When we find the two aren't aligned we struggle, even more to find validation that we are doing the right thing. We make a choice and we hope for the best. We try to not have regrets. We try to not let the future be tainted with the past, but everyday its a battle. If the end goal is to be happy, to let our light shine thru our soul and out into the world we have to make decisions accordingly.

You said be happy nicki, you helped define that happiness for me. You showed me what I'm capable of, and reminded me the world is mine to conquer. My preference would be to keep you by my side, so we can conquer it together, because even though my life appears to be so neatly put together, like a lot of the old me, its a fictitious front presented to those who don't matter. Underneath the bow is chaos and clutter. A work in progress, and as I learn to be truly authentic my world will fall into place.

Now What
Your heart was broken
where do you go from here
do you wall back up and pretend you never felt this way
how do you deny feeling so alive
how do you forget the flutter in your stomach everytime she called
how do you face each day knowing you weren't the one
you cant regret and you cant look back to wonder what if
the plan is greater then you
but where do you go from here
it starts by putting your left foot in front of your right foot
set down the brick and mortar, you no longer need that wall
the wall gave you comfort and provided shelter for your heart
but building it again would undo her magic
learn the lesson
feel the pain
and know it was worth it
she'll be back, the world will right itself again
but until that day
left foot... right foot


to not have had this chance
i never would have learned
the depth of my ability
you brought elements to my life
i've only read about in books
you brought out a smile i had long forgotten
and you reminded me butterflys, like santa, do exist
the stars will shine again
and the world will once again sipn
but this time i will feel
i will appreciate the gift of love you have given

1 comment:

RandomTravelerThroughYourLife said...

No real comment other than to let you know you're not alone in your feelings of distress (although it seems to have passed even if only publicly). People are often used as tools to show us things we've never stopped to see before. To be a tool for change is almost as good as having that tool brought upon you as both sides are given some perspective. Evolution and adaptation is the final goal and you too will benefit in the long run from your heartache. So, though the flutter you felt before now feels like a knot at the mention of her name or the thought of her smile, know that its growth. And that in itself is worth the price our hearts make us pay.