Tuesday, February 12, 2013

A few words to the misguided... including myself.

Communication Obstacles: Misplaced Priorities

One of my persistent weaknesses is that I want to author my own play, the play of my life, in which I am the star, for which I would like to write the script. I can pretty much do fine on my own for a while, and then when I encounter a problem too big for me, I holler for God to show up on “my” stage, on my cue. He generally does not oblige me at such times. Hmm. Wonder why.

In the middle of his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus helped his disciples to see how the universe really operates. The more you grasp for material things, the more in love you are with yourself and your agenda, the less you will achieve and the less satisfaction you will feel.

Here is a better way: “Seek first his i.e., God’s kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33). Seeking God’s kingdom means seeing yourself as God’s creation, placed here on earth for a mission, his mission. You are in his play, and he will let you know the role he needs you to play for him.

Seeking God’s righteousness means choosing to value your forgiveness of sins through the blood of Jesus as your most precious possession. When you have that, everything else that God thinks you need will come flowing into your life.

Reposted from bible.com day 7 of the 21 days to pray.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Some things...

I haven't been able to find many words lately, and even though that seems fitting with the worlds event today, this stretches well past the last 12 hours, I don't know I just can't seem to formulate thoughts that make much sense these days. So much is going on, work is crazy busy, copilot is stable but consistently busy and the wife is the usual ping pong hyper love. I haven't had much,e time and maybe that's why I'm jus blah. Regardless I've found these images lately and they spoke to me. Enjoy.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Would you cross the room...

Today while at work at the nut house I had an interesting conversation with a co-worker. She was talking about beliefs, and how we grow over time. We don't all stand for the things we once did, and sometimes our convictions become even deeper, and sometimes we meet people who change our lives, and our opinions.

We were talking and she was talking about how she grew up thinking one way and went her whole life with this opinion, then one day her eyes became more open, and she went deeper in her soul and she grew, her opinions for things shifted.

She was doing this exercise where you stand along a wall, and the instructor makes a statement, and if you agree you stay along the wall, but of you do not agree, you have to walk across the room and stand on the other wall. The point of the exercise is to test your beliefs, test your faith, test your conviction.

I like this exercise a lot. It requires the participants to look at themselves. Do you really stand for it, will you cross the room, to prove you stand for something or will you, faced with admission, cross that wall and affirm the things you say you stand for.

Words and actions... if you believe in something, how far are you willing to go to support it?

I believe in a lot of things, and I would like to think that I would cross the room. I am not afraid to stand up for the people, and the things I believe in. I think it matters, and I think its important to say what you mean, mean what you say and cross the dang room. We hear, practice what you preach, but I think that this story goes further.

And I think it also makes you look at the things you support, and ask yourself, do I really believe this, or do I believe it because its socially acceptable, or because my friends think this way. It makes you look at the things you stand for, and really ask yourself WHY you believe them.

I can honestly tell you that the next time I decide to believe something, asking myself, will I walk across the room alone to n support of this belief unafraid of what others think, and if the answer is yes then I know I am being true to my heart and soul.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

time of death.

Five years ago today...
Four years ago today...
three years ago today...
two years ago today...
seem like yesterday.....

On the first anniversary of my dad I wrote my reflections of how I have done that year. I wrote them the night before, at the time I wrote them the night before because I was highly emotional, and I wasn't sure how the day would go, and I felt that I owed the world a check up on Nicki -- how has she done since the carpet was ripped out from underneath her.
In hindsight it was intuition that one the one year anniversary of losing my dad I would lose my mom. 
For those of you just now tuning in - I lost my dad November 13, 2007 and my mom 365 days later, November 13, 2008.
The next response is wow - were your parents married - nope, divorced, though they had been married a million years, they were not married at the time my daddy passed. The timing of their deaths was heaven's gift to my sisters and I.

The year after my mom died, November 2009, I spent that anniversary date participating in the Susan G. Komen 3 day-60 mile walk for the cure. That event gave me a perspective that I couldn't be more grateful for. 

This year I don't have another death, or a big event to fill today with.  Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing "special" and part of me has guilt that I'm not doing something monumental to mark this day, it's more like a normal day for me. 
But in thinking it through I guess normal is good, it's a sign that I have walked thru not one but two knee- crippling events. 
I have buried both my parents. 
And I survived. 

I am back to living, normal, as normal as can be. I think normal will never the same again. Just like September 11, on September 10 this country was very different, and from September 12, forward everything has a different meaning. We have never forgotten what that day stood for, but we have gotten back to living as normal as we can. 

You're thinking - did she really just liken her life to the world-altering September 11 attacks, and yes I did. I went there. To me, this was my world-altering events. We will never forget where we were, how we felt on the day of those attacks. I will never forget my parents, where I was, and how I felt when they passed. I held my dad's hand as he took his last breath, and I closed his still open eyes. I witnessed the man who gave me life lose his. I had lunch with a dear friend the day my mom died. I was surrounded by church, and God and was remembering my dad when I got the call from my sister telling me mom was gone. I got in my car, left an inaudible message for my best friend and drove to meet Cole who took me to my mama's house. We sat on the back of the couch and bantered with the Glendale fire department while waiting for the corner to remove my mom's lifeless body from the place she passed. 
I will never forget those memories.
I will never stop missing my parents. 
I will never eat a cheese enchilada without thinking of my mom, I will never forget her laugh because my daughter's cackle reminds me of it, I will never go to Anita's, or sew, or walk thru my front door without having memories of her flood thru my mind.
I will never travel to Mexico, and visit our special place, without thinking of my dad. I will never McGyver something together without thinking of my dad, or see a lilac without tearing up.
I will never in my life forget them.
But I will learn to live again. I will learn to be as normal as I can, and I will continue to learn to be around other families, without being bitter about how mine has changed. 
I will put one foot in front of the other, and with confidence tell you my parents are watching over me. Every time the TV goes fuzzy, or a device that works perfectly flickers, or I come across a feather, I am reassured, that their physical presence is all I am missing, if I get quiet, I can feel them. I know they keep me safe from harm, and guide me, even if I can't see them. I can feel them anytime I want. I know that they are proud of me, and when I graduate this May- I can without a doubt tell you, they will have the best seats in the house. 

To anyone who has lost someone, I feel your pain, it never gets easier, you just learn to do the best you can. Some days are better then others, and that will never change.