Monday, September 28, 2015

She writes again....

well technically she never stopped, she just stopped sharing it with her audience. for a lot of reasons, but those reasons are about as relevant as what i've been up to since you last heard from me.
my journey has been my journey and for a while it needed to be private, and a lot of it still does. my time has been well spent, and purposeful and as i get ready to embark on the next piece of finding who i am in this moment i feel like its time to share the words that spin around inside my head and make their way into my art and into those that are in my daily circle. you see, i've learned - keep your circle close and tight, not very many people are are as interested in your life as the amount of people who want to watch, to see your successes and watch your failures.

I got the opportunity to work an event at a high school recently. They participated in Rachels Challenge. First of all it was amazing. Second of all, I really wish every high school participated in this event. The event brought an authenticity that is so rare in today's society. It brought challenges to students and reminded the nerds that the jocks are just like them, and it reminded the girl who isn't so pretty that that popular cheerleader who she thought was perfect, might not be so perfect after all. It was team building, and awakening and inspiring. Rachel was the first victim in the Columbine shooting of 1999. Her peers loved her and she knew, in her young life, that she would make a difference. Little did she know, that she continues to make a difference, challenging those who participate to start a chain reaction. Do something today, smile at a stranger, help someone when they drop something, or that girl in the back of the room, having lunch by herself- don't let her be alone.

Do something, and you never know when that something leads to something else and then to something else, and a chain reaction has begun.

One of the things that I personally experienced from this event, was the reminder of how far I have come. How tight I wore my mask, how I gripped so hard to never let anyone see who I really was. I presented perfect, always, and I hid the real me. I never wanted to appear vulnerable. I never wanted to anyone to see I had any emotion besides happy. And that is such an awful way to live life. It was interesting to watch how many of the participants wore masks, afraid to show anything but strength or perfection. But then about halfway thru the day, the masks slipped down. You saw tears, belly-laughing and you saw vulnerability. It was beautiful.
My mask hasn't been on for a long time. It feels uncomfortable when I put it on, and oddly when I do wear it, it comes with this slight nervous lisp. Loving who I am, flaws and all, is a journey and such a long process. Progress, not perfection, but man I look back and see the girl that presented herself like a china doll and I see the woman I am now, messy bun, glasses, footsie pajamas and a glass of wine;  knowing that I have let the walls down, shown people who I am and watched them love me anyway and I smile.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

A few words to the misguided... including myself.

Communication Obstacles: Misplaced Priorities

One of my persistent weaknesses is that I want to author my own play, the play of my life, in which I am the star, for which I would like to write the script. I can pretty much do fine on my own for a while, and then when I encounter a problem too big for me, I holler for God to show up on “my” stage, on my cue. He generally does not oblige me at such times. Hmm. Wonder why.

In the middle of his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus helped his disciples to see how the universe really operates. The more you grasp for material things, the more in love you are with yourself and your agenda, the less you will achieve and the less satisfaction you will feel.

Here is a better way: “Seek first his i.e., God’s kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33). Seeking God’s kingdom means seeing yourself as God’s creation, placed here on earth for a mission, his mission. You are in his play, and he will let you know the role he needs you to play for him.

Seeking God’s righteousness means choosing to value your forgiveness of sins through the blood of Jesus as your most precious possession. When you have that, everything else that God thinks you need will come flowing into your life.

Reposted from day 7 of the 21 days to pray.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Some things...

I haven't been able to find many words lately, and even though that seems fitting with the worlds event today, this stretches well past the last 12 hours, I don't know I just can't seem to formulate thoughts that make much sense these days. So much is going on, work is crazy busy, copilot is stable but consistently busy and the wife is the usual ping pong hyper love. I haven't had much,e time and maybe that's why I'm jus blah. Regardless I've found these images lately and they spoke to me. Enjoy.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Would you cross the room...

Today while at work at the nut house I had an interesting conversation with a co-worker. She was talking about beliefs, and how we grow over time. We don't all stand for the things we once did, and sometimes our convictions become even deeper, and sometimes we meet people who change our lives, and our opinions.

We were talking and she was talking about how she grew up thinking one way and went her whole life with this opinion, then one day her eyes became more open, and she went deeper in her soul and she grew, her opinions for things shifted.

She was doing this exercise where you stand along a wall, and the instructor makes a statement, and if you agree you stay along the wall, but of you do not agree, you have to walk across the room and stand on the other wall. The point of the exercise is to test your beliefs, test your faith, test your conviction.

I like this exercise a lot. It requires the participants to look at themselves. Do you really stand for it, will you cross the room, to prove you stand for something or will you, faced with admission, cross that wall and affirm the things you say you stand for.

Words and actions... if you believe in something, how far are you willing to go to support it?

I believe in a lot of things, and I would like to think that I would cross the room. I am not afraid to stand up for the people, and the things I believe in. I think it matters, and I think its important to say what you mean, mean what you say and cross the dang room. We hear, practice what you preach, but I think that this story goes further.

And I think it also makes you look at the things you support, and ask yourself, do I really believe this, or do I believe it because its socially acceptable, or because my friends think this way. It makes you look at the things you stand for, and really ask yourself WHY you believe them.

I can honestly tell you that the next time I decide to believe something, asking myself, will I walk across the room alone to n support of this belief unafraid of what others think, and if the answer is yes then I know I am being true to my heart and soul.