Opt'ing in....

I Nicki choose to do this event.

Its that simple. to choose in, to whatever it is you are doing. to be fully present, to engage in the activity right in front of you with your whole heart, mind and body. It doesn't matter if it's work, or a relationship- did you choose in. Are you there? Is your being-ness aligned with what you are doing?

I used to think that I could multi task - like was super awesome because I can handle a million things coming at me and everything magically seems to get done. Take work for example, I simultaneously run 5 companies, every one of them has their own set of unique needs and at the end of the day each one gets tended to, but when I really look to evaluate that, not a single one of them is getting my full attention and each one has areas of improvement. Its like spinning plates, you run fast enough spinning each one a little to run some more to get back to the first one to get it going again and you just keep up this rat race, running, spinning, running and spinning and hoping each one keeps going- how do you ever get anywhere doing this? Is that really what we were born to do?
So I am slowing down, some of the plates are crashing, for sure, because I am not running between all of them I would rather do a few things really well than a lot of things half ass'd. The feeling is uncomfortable, to shed my skin of always being known for pretty much being awesome and handling everything and always smiling through it.
I am choosing the activities I balance and being more mindful of what I commit to.

I Nicki choose to do this event.
I commit to being present.
the price for that is heavy, but I am reminded that busy is a choice too, and in that busy-ness - I am more often avoiding something. that running from plate to plate is more a sign of uncomfortable in my own skin. Its a distraction- and I could spend a lot of time listing what I am distracting myself from, or I can notice that the fluttering around is a sign for me. That I need to do the opposite and sit with myself and do some inside work. My soul is screaming at me to notice it and take care of it, and busy-ness is my defense I don't have time to feel whatever emotion it is, its how I avoid going inside my soul to work.
And in doing that I add one more layer of bricks to the wall of me, when my hearts desire is to remove the bricks, accept the vulnerability and own my strength in that.