Wednesday, November 10, 2010

stay, go, seasonal......

We have all heard it at one point or another, and the chances of you having said it to someone else is probably just as equally high.
Friends come and friends go
If it's meant to be, they it will be.

*shake your head yes* you know that those words, or very similar ones are pretty common for what we tell ourselves when a friendship goes away that we cherished.

I was thinking about that the other day, a friend of mine, her facebook status said something along the lines of mourning friendships that have been lost thru death, distance or circumstance - she was sad. and it made me sad. and it made me think.

And then I came across this in my email this morning:
"friendship means a willingness to sacrifice for each other in love. It's the ability to put another's needs, desires, and wishes above our own"
" a true friend is a loyal defense before others; one who won't talk about you when you're not around. True friends stick up for each other and are ready to defend when others attack"
"you don't have to explain why you do what you do. You are just free to do it."
and finally:
"Friends don't bale, they stay. They allow you to be yourself no matter what 'self' looks like. 

We all have different levels of friendships - you know what I mean, the friend you can call at 2 am, the friend you like to shop with, the friend you don't talk to very much.

But this post is about those 2 am friends. The ones that are there, no matter what card you have dealt them, or they have dealt you, and they choose to stay and love you thru it anyway.

Recently I think friendships have been on my mind a lot lately. Maybe my friends facebook post the other day triggered it, maybe the recent block of time I have had with my sisters, maybe a friends struggles and watching everyone be turned upside down, maybe it was something said on Oprah yesterday, who knows, what I know is that I have been looking at what a *real* friendship looks like.

Sometimes people really push what they ask us to tolerate as their friend, they do things that make us cringe, but here's the thing: We are bystanders to another person's journey, and we should be lucky enough to get to be apart of it, if even for a moment. As we go thru life, our experiences change us, they change who we are, what we believe and what we want out of this life. This constant change makes it hard for friends to love us thru everything and be there.

When you think about the world, and timing, and how everything works- nothing is a coincidence. NOTHING. Everything has a purpose, and that purpose is not always clearly identified.

People walk into our lives, and like domino's, whether they keep falling or stop depends on the timing and outside events.

I will be the first to admit, letting people inside Fort Knox isn't an easy task, I don't really like people in my space, I am in what I self describe, surface-open towards people. Letting you into my nook-and-crannies takes a lot of time, and IF I let you in there, you better stay, and if you don't, you better believe Ima cry. I feel a loss, and empty space for the people that I let in and they left, I miss those people, a lot.

But I understand why they have left as well, but then sometimes it makes me mad as hell.

Real friends just don't quit. They don't give up when it gets hard. They don't walk out, they don't just say this doesn't work for me anymore. You shouldn't get to toss someone aside that no longer "fits" what you need.

Sometimes friendships go thru seasons, they calm down, but when you think of that person, you know where you stand with them still, and know that friendship hasn't suffered even though you haven't talked to them in a long time. REAL friends don't have to be 24/7 in your face, they just have to have constant mutual love.

So - that said, to those of you inside Fort Knox, I love you for walking thru this journey with me. I love you for showing me unconditional love. I love you for showing me that people can come inside and even if you don't stay, my life is richer for having you on the inside. I am thankful times 10 of the people that are in my corner, success or failure, have my back. Thank you for encouraging me, making my irrational thoughts rational. Thank you for loving me, even as my 'self' morphs into someone different then I was when we met. Thanks for not quitting.


Anonymous said...

I needed to this. Thank you for being my 2am friend, and thank you for always knowing the right thing to say. you never let me stay down, when I'm being my own worst enemy : p

Anonymous said...

Hate posting these as anonymous.. but it is what it is. May not be there, may not talk enough, may never see each other and most likely not called a "friend" but I always am thinking of you, always missing being around you. I shoulda spent my "Tuesdays with Mrmdgrl" weekend mornings more wisely. But like always, I never regret what Ive done, only what Ive missed out on. I regret not being that kind of 2am friend.