stay, go, seasonal......

We have all heard it at one point or another, and the chances of you having said it to someone else is probably just as equally high.
Friends come and friends go
If it's meant to be, they it will be.

*shake your head yes* you know that those words, or very similar ones are pretty common for what we tell ourselves when a friendship goes away that we cherished.

I was thinking about that the other day, a friend of mine, her facebook status said something along the lines of mourning friendships that have been lost thru death, distance or circumstance - she was sad. and it made me sad. and it made me think.

And then I came across this in my email this morning:
"friendship means a willingness to sacrifice for each other in love. It's the ability to put another's needs, desires, and wishes above our own"
" a true friend is a loyal defense before others; one who won't talk about you when you're not around. True friends stick up for each other and are ready to defend when others attack"
"you don't have to explain why you do what you do. You are just free to do it."
and finally:
"Friends don't bale, they stay. They allow you to be yourself no matter what 'self' looks like. 


We all have different levels of friendships - you know what I mean, the friend you can call at 2 am, the friend you like to shop with, the friend you don't talk to very much.

But this post is about those 2 am friends. The ones that are there, no matter what card you have dealt them, or they have dealt you, and they choose to stay and love you thru it anyway.

Recently I think friendships have been on my mind a lot lately. Maybe my friends facebook post the other day triggered it, maybe the recent block of time I have had with my sisters, maybe a friends struggles and watching everyone be turned upside down, maybe it was something said on Oprah yesterday, who knows, what I know is that I have been looking at what a *real* friendship looks like.

Sometimes people really push what they ask us to tolerate as their friend, they do things that make us cringe, but here's the thing: We are bystanders to another person's journey, and we should be lucky enough to get to be apart of it, if even for a moment. As we go thru life, our experiences change us, they change who we are, what we believe and what we want out of this life. This constant change makes it hard for friends to love us thru everything and be there.

When you think about the world, and timing, and how everything works- nothing is a coincidence. NOTHING. Everything has a purpose, and that purpose is not always clearly identified.

People walk into our lives, and like domino's, whether they keep falling or stop depends on the timing and outside events.

I will be the first to admit, letting people inside Fort Knox isn't an easy task, I don't really like people in my space, I am in what I self describe, surface-open towards people. Letting you into my nook-and-crannies takes a lot of time, and IF I let you in there, you better stay, and if you don't, you better believe Ima cry. I feel a loss, and empty space for the people that I let in and they left, I miss those people, a lot.

But I understand why they have left as well, but then sometimes it makes me mad as hell.

Real friends just don't quit. They don't give up when it gets hard. They don't walk out, they don't just say this doesn't work for me anymore. You shouldn't get to toss someone aside that no longer "fits" what you need.

Sometimes friendships go thru seasons, they calm down, but when you think of that person, you know where you stand with them still, and know that friendship hasn't suffered even though you haven't talked to them in a long time. REAL friends don't have to be 24/7 in your face, they just have to have constant mutual love.

So - that said, to those of you inside Fort Knox, I love you for walking thru this journey with me. I love you for showing me unconditional love. I love you for showing me that people can come inside and even if you don't stay, my life is richer for having you on the inside. I am thankful times 10 of the people that are in my corner, success or failure, have my back. Thank you for encouraging me, making my irrational thoughts rational. Thank you for loving me, even as my 'self' morphs into someone different then I was when we met. Thanks for not quitting.

Let your light be shared

Light is meant to be shared. If you try to hoard it or keep it covered, out of everyone's sight, you'll just end up smothering it. Try to close it in your fist so it doesn't get away, and it burns you. You can't possess light. All you can do is appreciate it, use it and help others use it, too. In the same way, your life is also meant to be shared. Many people look upon their lives as something that must be jealously protected and stowed away. They block out others and are afraid to share their time. What happens? Their spark suffocates. But there are others who have an abundance mentality. They believe, correctly so, that there's plenty of life to go around, that all flames get brighter when we share them. They know that when we invest energy in others, we get even more in return. Don't sacrifice your chance at a bonfire because you're too busy trying to keep a tiny match from going out.
** reposted from Sparkpeople, not my words, but a beautiful reminder :)
Xoxo
Nic
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

missing

Going thru your memories today brought how much I miss you in my daily life to the fore front. So many days I can feel the loss of you and push it aside. But today picking things up, picking up your memories, things you've collected all your life, and not knowing any of the stories behind them made me want you back. I felt such sadness tossing something aside because it meant nothing to me but something to you. Oh how I wish you were here to share your stories and tell me why you kept some of the newspapers or restaurant menus, where you were going with all of those plane tickets and why of everything found there was only a few things of yours and moms marriage, or any of them really. 
I want to curl up in your lap and have you brush my hair and read to me. And I wanna know why grades were so important to you, I saw your report card ;) I wanna know if you ever felt regret, you had a clear obsession with space and aerodynamic things, yet I wonder if you set that aside in effort to be practical and provide for your family. I wanna know who Angela is too. 
Some of the things you kept make no sense to me...
and some of them are amazing treasures, the 10 dollar bill from the Confederate United States and the ration cards from the great depression an the 1985 Spiderman comic book, the receipt from our trip to SeaWorld and when you took me fishing and we saw the mountain lion under the rock. I miss you everyday, but today I miss you with the fondest of memories and these paper things just reinforce the memories and legacy you've blessed me with.

Familia

The family is a haven in a heartless world.

Interesting quote isn't it?


Makes you think about your own family, dysfunctional and all and wonder how much of a "haven" your family is. And it reminds you of how heartless and cold this world can be. 


For me, when I read that quote, the first thing I did was smile, and look at my own "family".


For me, my definition of family has never been traditional, yes I had parents, and dinner at 630 around the table where we all talked about how great our day was. But I also have this other "family" 


Something that took losing mine for me to fully understood. See I have some of those friends, that have been closer then close that you consider family. And you call each other sister, or brother, and you take on their family as if its your own. 
You know exactly what I am talking about - you walk into their house, you open their fridge, fix yourself leftovers, you know where their spare key is hiding, or the garage code if you don't have your own key. You are comfortable. 


They are everything but dna family, and for some of us those people are more like family members then our dna defined family.


We create families, we don't have to be born into them. 


For me, mine is more like a commune or village, but its filled with love, and support, and amazing opportunities for growth. Its safe, and its cozy, and its joyous. 


There are moments where I get so caught up in not having my mom or my dad to walk thru this physical life with me, as people make holiday plans, I get especially unnerved, but then I step back, and I feel their love, and I remember that I am still blessed with this huge other family of people that might not be technically listed on the family tree, but share this journey, hills and valleys, with me and put band-aids on the scrapes, and gold stars on the accomplishments. 

We can create that family that is our haven. 

I am beyond blessed to have my family, and I love and appreciate everyone of them, old, new, far away, and even the one's disconnected that have been apart of my journey in the past. Once your in the family, your there forever, no takebacks, no returns, no escaping. 
Thank you for being my family.